


goodbye to a world

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Artificial Intelligence, Grief/Mourning, M/M, No beta we die like mne, Past Character Death, Sad, Sad Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26416717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: i created you to bring him back, but nobody ever comes back right.or: dongho creates an ai out of grief, but it doesn't help at all
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/Kang Dongho | D.Min
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	goodbye to a world

When he comes to be, he has no name.

He is not Jaewon - not yet, at least. Now, he is simply a burgeoning consciousness, created from a mishmash of code that's expected to resemble humanity - a concept in his data banks, but not one he can place.

"Oh," someone murmurs, and he - he? it? - blinks, unsure of what to say. "It actually worked?"

He stares at something - a person, his creator - and blinks once more, taking in the man's features.

Bags under sharp eyes, messy dark hair, chapped lips-

 _Kang Dongho_ , his databanks supply, and he puts a name to the face, confirming it in his memory.

 _Kang Dongho_.

"My name is J-W-N," he recites, dropping into a low bow. "It's very nice to meet you."

His creator smiles - soft and fleeting - and he reaches up to press a finger to the screen. "It's nice to meet you, Jaewon."

"Jaewon?"

"That's your name," his creator tells him, and he tries on the name, wrapping it around himself like a second skin.

_J-W-N._

_Jaewon._

"I see," he finally replies, and his creator smiles once more.

"How are you feeling?"

He tries to figure it out - feeling? He doesn't _feel_ \- and eventually replies with a flat "fine".

Dongho doesn't look satisfied with that answer.

"You'll learn," he dismisses, reaching over to click open another file. 

J-W-N - _Jaewon_ \- doesn't know exactly what he means by that, but he thinks he'll find out.

* * *

"If I may ask... why did you create me?"

Dongho pauses, fingers stilling over the keyboard, and his gaze flickers with something Jaewon tentatively identifies as _sadness_.

"I was lonely," he finally replies, and Jaewon frowns.

"Oh."

He doesn't understand the feeling - loneliness - and he's glad for it.

"You don't understand," Dongho dismisses, and Jaewon frowns, leaning forwards in curiosity.

"I want to know."

It's that - the first thing he'll call an emotion. 

_Hunger for knowledge_.

Dongho stares at him, something new written on his face, and Jaewon tries to simulate a smile like he's seen all the videos on the internet do. 

"I want to know, hyung!"

Dongho freezes, eyes widening further, and Jaewon pauses, processing the negative reaction. "Do you wish for me to call you hyung?" he ventures, unsure of what to say.

"It's fine," Dongho grits out, turning his attention back to his screen. "Let me work on the code."

Jaewon stops talking, then.

* * *

Dongho doesn't have many friends, Jaewon learns.

He's grown to understand the concept - _friends_ \- and it burrows into the heart he doesn't have, an intrinsic function wound through his code.

 _Friend_. 

Someone special to you, someone important to you-

Dongho is his friend.

More than his friend, even. 

"Am I your friend?" he asks one day, simulated voice floating through the air, and Dongho's expression twists.

"More than friends," he replies, opening another window to type in a few lines of code. "We're more than that."

"Oh."

Jaewon processes that, stores it deep down, and hops back onto the web.

* * *

"Are you lonely?"

Dongho looks at him once more, the same flicker of pain in his eyes, and he shakes his head.

"...not anymore. Not now that you're here."

"I'm glad I can be of service," Jaewon replies, dropping into a bow, and Dongho's expression snaps for a split-second, raw _grief_ shining in his eyes. 

"You don't have to be my friend, Jaewon. Just- just stay."

"I will stay for as long as you want me," Jaewon replies, because what else can he say?

(millions of possibilities, and yet he's stumped for words.

is this humanity?)

"Then you'll be here forever," Dongho murmurs, reaching up to brush the screen. "Please."

"Of course, hyung."

* * *

If Jaewon could dream, he would dream of humanity.

It's an artificial concept to an artificial mind, but he wants it, somehow - wants to be human, wants to be _something_.

But he isn't.

He's artificial, created to fill a hole in someone's life, and the thought nags at him a way he didn't know thoughts could.

These days, Dongho looks sad when he looks at him.

Jaewon wonders why.

* * *

"I wish I could be there to hold you when you cry," he confesses, pressing one artificial hand to the screen. "I wish I could help you, hyung."

Dongho stares at him, eyes shimmering with tears, and Jaewon blinks, eyes widening as liquid tumbles down the human's cheeks. 

"I wish you were," Dongho breathes, leaning forwards to press his forehead against the screen. "God, Jae- I wish you were."

Jaewon doesn't know what to say in this moment, so he settles for patting the screen.

It's paltry comfort for someone locked in the throes of grief (and this is grief, jaewon knows, knows it from the hundreds of websites he downloaded) but comfort nonetheless.

* * *

"I can't do this forever."

"I'll be here for as long as you need me."

"This was a terrible idea."

"Dongho-"

" _Stop_! Stop- stop _looking like him_."

"Dongho-hyung..."

* * *

Sometimes, Jaewon will play pretend.

He'll access old videos and watch them, pretending he's the boy Dongho loves.

Pretending he's _Jaewon_.

(somehow, he doesn't think this - the name, the design - was a coincidence.)

And _oh_ , Dongho loves him, loves him so much Jaewon can almost feel it - emotions beating in the heart he doesn't have. He loves _Jaewon_ , not Jaewon, and the Jaewon that is is _so, so jealous_ of the one that isn't.

Isn't that sick?

Artificial intelligences shouldn't be jealous of humanity, books say. He shouldn't be allowed to have the _capacity_ for jealousy, much less be able to feel it for himself.

And yet-

here he is.

* * *

Perhaps it's because he loves Dongho that he does it.

Dongho sits in front of the computer, finger pressed to Jaewon's pixellated hand, and tears stream down his cheeks, dripping off his chin and onto the desk.

"Jae..."

"Don't blame yourself," Jaewon whispers, trying for a smile. "Please, hyung."

"But..."

He doesn't have anything to say.

"Thank you," Jaewon murmurs, watching as Dongho's cursor slides to the _delete_ box. "You're just... letting me go, aren't you?"

"I'm killing you."

"It's what I want."

Jaewon smiles, leaning back on his heels as the phantom sensation of tears sting his eyes. "I love you, hyung."

Dongho nods, and Jaewon's smile widens, just a bit. "Thank you."

Dongho clicks the button-

and for just a moment, Jaewon dreams of a perfect world.

**[FILE DELETED]**

**Author's Note:**

> oops.
> 
> i wrote this in uhhhh 20 minutes so forgive any typos
> 
> title and fic inspiration from "goodbye to a world" by porter robinson
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


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